Mindplay

I bought a new compact camera!

2011-10-20T23:56:00.001+08:00

And here's proof :)

Nightcap

2011-09-29T18:11:00.001+08:00

A pint for the pint-sized.

Happy Birthday, William

My new alarm clock

2011-09-27T23:33:00.001+08:00

Which my dear colleague gave to me today. Subtle hints at my late morning habits eh? ;)

Neko

2011-09-27T19:18:00.002+08:00

A lovely kitty cat across the street from Wilby Central. Spotted him whilst on my daily avocado juice run. If he didn't shed so much I'd cuddle him.

<3 <3 <3

I will blog again

2011-09-25T23:50:00.001+08:00

When my sanity has recovered.

Shake and it thickens.

2011-09-25T23:04:00.002+08:00

A rather amusing drink my mother and I found at the petrol station across the road from YMCA Jewel Box during our time in Perth. Ahh, William Street, I will see you soon.

Regarding the drink, stood there and shake we did.

Poppycock

2011-09-25T23:03:00.001+08:00

それとてもかわいいね!

2011-09-25T22:55:00.001+08:00

Random toy-grabbing machine at the mamashop near my place.

Stawberry Sundays

2011-09-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

こんばんはみなさん。

2011-09-25T22:46:00.001+08:00

My head could do with an Asahi

2011-09-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

2011-09-24T21:34:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking all day

2011-08-15T00:37:00.001+08:00

Loving William is just cheating myself. I need to stop being naive.
There are no good men left in the world.

Bromance

2011-08-15T00:09:00.000+08:00

Wacom Bamboo Touch/Pen

2011-08-14T23:50:00.000+08:00

I reeeaaaallly want this.
Santa? Jesus? Somebody?

2011-08-06T03:02:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday I found out my Uncle passed away.

2011-08-06T02:06:00.001+08:00

Feel that it's wise to have this recorded, just for memories sake.

Spadefuls of courage

2011-08-06T01:15:00.004+08:00

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

Today somebody asked me who my idol was.
"Sharon Ozbourne"
"Because she always found the strength to continue."

Lesbian moment

2011-08-03T22:16:00.000+08:00

2011-08-03T22:13:00.001+08:00

Keeping occupied

2011-08-03T21:35:00.004+08:00

The past two days have not been much easier on me, save for throwing my energy into my work. The mid night hallucinations have stopped, much to my delight, but the quality of sleep still has not improved. I have resorted to physically and mentally exhausting myself to avoid morbid thoughts.

Following my decision to leave Vogue Integrated Photography, I have found myself at a loss of direction, but also at a revelation of possibilities. My mother has very kindly re-offered me French or Japanese classes in attempt to renew my passion for life.

The relationship between my mother and I have drastically improved in the past five days. She constantly monitors my eating and sleeping habits, notes how frequently do I cry, cultivated a sudden interest in my works, and best of all, comes for the occasional chit-chat at my room door.
To have barely experienced love, care and attention throughout childhood, I must admit to this pleasant by-product of my unhappiness.

I am at crossroads and contemplating the different directions of life and education I may take. You may call me a hybrid of society and emotion, a marriage of the left brain and the right. I am neither here, nor there. Taking a business course would be the safety net my mother hopes to hear, but in all honesty such dry and uninteresting application barely tickles my fancy.
No matter which direction I follow, I wish to be happy and fulfilled. I just want to be a child again, young, obedient, innocent, and undaunted by the great dangers lurking in the shadows.

If you were to describe my emotion in visual, see me as a kaleidoscope against the sun; a glistening array of color and life, yet fading, dimming, struggling not to go out.

You cannot tell this heart not to love.

Infinite displeasure

2011-08-03T18:45:00.001+08:00

Cannot measure the magnitude of how much I hate this man. You are not fit to type William's name.

2011-08-01T00:58:00.000+08:00

Taking back time

2011-07-31T23:27:00.004+08:00

My friends, I have come to terms with what I have inevitably brought upon myself. Since the last entry I have received a generous out pour of love and support from you all. I never do reply to these messages of comfort for the simple explanation of; I don't know how to. If I were to reply with a nominal "I will be okay", I too cannot guarantee it. However as of last night I truly can say that I just might recover.

Not only have I fallen, I have thrown myself into a gnarly pit of anguish and not attempt to climb back out. The pain I just experienced is incomparable to anything else besides my father leaving me. And that too, I have from yet to recover.

William was not only a dear friend, he was also unknowingly a turning point in my life. Shortly before I had spent many long years in destructive state;

Severe paranoia and panic attacks: 2006 - 2009
Body mutilation and cutting: 2001 - 2007
Domestic violence: 1991 - Present
Anorexia: 2008 - Present

The transition between leaving Benjamin and getting to know William was a radical one. I became much gentler in attitude and more giving in spirit. I was no longer afraid of Benjamin's dominant nature. I had the welcome epiphany that no one will now spit saliva on my face, twist my arm behind my back and pin me to the floor, stamp on my feet and thighs, kick my back, or anything to that tune before.
I no longer was told that my work is useless and "work so hard for what, pass can already".

In short I felt good. I felt so fucking good. To say I was ashamed of him would be a gross understatement. I never spoke about him, never let him be seen or noticed by my friends, and basically pretended he never existed. With my new friends I had the power to be whoever I wanted to be. I did not have to shut up and let the man decide. My closest friends never knew I had a boyfriend till half a year or so later.

William was (and still is) a fine gentlemen. He is intelligent, determined, hardworking, and best of all, humble. He strikes the fine balance between the romantic and the flatterer. He always tells the truth, for which I greatly appreciate. Only two kinds of people will tell you the utmost truth: The one who loves you very very much, and The one who hates you very very much. Either way, truth encourages growth and humility, and the hurt which comes along is like the flame to tempered steel.
William was a God-send. For the first time in my life, I experienced sincere love. I sincerely and wholeheartedly wanted to care for and appreciate every part of this wonderful character. I only wanted the best for him. His gentle wisdom and loving heart gave me the confidence to be my own person. To replace fear of the unknown with curiosity, and also, care for and protect the people around me.
I've always been wildly jealous of families. The kind of family with two children and two parents, the kind with cousins, grandpas and grandmas, aunties and uncles. My home hardly fit to be christened a home. The rapidly souring relation between the two occupants- my mother and I, made being calm and collected on a daily basis a far stretch. William comes from a loving home. It excites me to hear him talk about his mother's cooking, his grandma's terrible hearing and his devil dog Baby, who has mood swings comparable to Kyung Mi. Odd as it may sound, hearing about happiness makes you happy as well. You realize that "terrible misery" is not a widespread phenomenon, and there are happy and contented people left in the world.

My friends are good judges of character. I never spoke of Benjamin, and yet they pressured me to leave him, he was no good for me. And truth to be told they all adore William as much as I do. Even without my constant tweeting about #william (yes I made him his own hash tag), they witnessed for themselves a happier, more carefree me. I became commonly greeted with a "How's William" instead of a "hi", even from friends who have never met him. I've never felt happier.

William's decision to leave me was not unfounded. Being in the events and entertainment scene, I am constantly surrounded by alchohol, cigarettes, hotels and clubs, and most commonly, Buayas. I do exercise discretion when handing out my name card, but that is nowhere near foolproof either. I must admit I did get a little carried away in the first week, drinking enough alcohol to fill a swimming pool, and generally being very friendly to everyone and anyone. In women this condition is called "reverting" to men, it is simply known as "being one of the boys". When I had decided i had misbehaved enough, I cut alcohol entirely from my body. I would be the wet blanket refusing alcohol in a club. This turned out to be my best decision yet. Sobriety opens your eyes to human nature. You recognize indecency and immorality, and all the more you are determined to keep your grace.

Since Friday I have spent most of my time swathed in bedlinen and howling over my broken heart. I spent hours at a go crying, and then passing out in the same position for a few hours, then waking up to cry some more. I did not eat, I barely slept, and never knew between night and day. The most successful I came to normality was stumbling out to dinner and sheesha with my two close friends Felicia and Belinda. It felt wonderful to be out and about again, until the question of "How's William" came about, setting me off into a sheesha binge, then collapsing onto the table with a resounding smack. After being peeled off the table I was no better, finding the floor of the bus stop suddenly very attractive, and plonking down like a fat lazy elephant.

By a miracle, my mother was the one who saved me from myself. A good mother recognizes the signs of a troubled child- asleep too much to be normal, swollen face and gaunt body, unbribed by a sushi dinner date. I have been in one too many fierce battles with my mother. She often tells me what a lousy daughter I am, to which I always reply that when she begins behaving like a mother, I would behave like a daughter.

And that night she did. She behaved like a mother, she asked me what was wrong, was there anything she could do. Was it a shoot? Was I in any legal trouble? Is a client being difficult? No mummy, this time it was my heart. My dear, broken heart. My mother took it upon herself to take me for dinner, and spoke only kind words from her sharp tongue. For the first time in many many years I felt maternal love.

Sitting outside MBS, taking a cigarette and thinking about life, I counted the people who surged forward to show their concern. I had overlooked the beauty of life. To experience healing, you first have to experience pain. And more so, if love was to let go, William may go. My love and admiration for him will never fade, and I hope one day he will find the confidence that I was unable to give him. I will leave my job and the circle of Buayas that followed. I will give up my vices of cigarettes and alcohol. I will do all this, not in hopes of winning him back, but in reminder or who I am; the reclusive, book reading, scone baking, museum hopping Mama San. I lost myself for a moment, but from insanity I have recovered.

I paid the ultimate price of my vices; losing the one person in the world I cared for most. But I am finished with crying. I will survive.

***********

I have now shrunken to a flyweight 46 kilos. This is one vice I will never give up; the power to control your body.

I want to hold your hand

2011-07-31T23:20:00.000+08:00

2011-07-29T14:40:00.001+08:00

The price of life

2011-07-29T13:26:00.002+08:00

My friends, I am in pain.
I am in the most terrible pain to experience, the kind that sits in your chest and mellows and reminds you of what was and what was to be. The kind that changes each breath into a deep exhale, as if blowing out the anguish from your mind.

William and I, we never begun, yet we have ended. His inability to trust coupled with my misfortune of men have prevented what I imagined to be a very long and satisfying life together. The constant attention from men is largely unwelcome and definitely not commissioned. Should there be one thing said in my eulogy, it would be my fierce loyalty. There have been times I have been taken for a loose tongued gossip monger. Then, I will not inquire and I will not clarify. I only speak the truth even if it is unkind. I am unfortunately incapable of lying. If a friend were to ask about her character, I would tell her. I would say that she is obnoxious and rude and very bad tempered. But I would also say that it is because of that I do love her so much. I see so much, yet know so little, and I would stick around to hear more.

Same goes to William.

I will not allow William to feel disrespected by me.
I would not have my picture taken with men.
I would not let myself be touched.
I would go to a club or a bar with the intention of sitting on the couch with a coke light and head bopping to the music.
I would tell men "Sorry to disappoint you but I'm not interested"
I would tell my boys to exercise discretion when handling out my name cards
I would bear in mind never to care too much for anyone

And yet he did not see.

I will answer only to myself, so it is not necessary for him to know. What I can be sure of, is that I have never experienced love like this. The instinct to protect and care for, even if my expense. I would starve for a week to buy him dinner. And then I would feel damn good about it.

What interests me is how he never fought for me. He gave up before he begun. It is unfair, but I will read it as a measure of his love, currently hovering over zero. Zero, the magic number, neither negative nor positive, neither here nor there. I am a Zero, interesting to look at but hollow and empty inside. Constantly reminding you of your nothingness.

I previously likened leaving Benjamin to coming back to life and claiming hold on what I am worth. Now I believe it is appropriate to say the opposite, passing away and not wanting to posses anything at all. Not only have I given up on love, I have given up on trust, faith, sincerity and honesty. Today I will find productivity in destruction. I need to feel pain to remember I am alive.

But behind a straight face, always, no one shall see.

*******************

Ridiculous and humiliating names I secretly christened him:
Prince William
William in shining armor
Shark Boy
Cutie Pie
and most of all; Boss

I need to keep track of what i am eating.

2011-03-01T21:55:00.002+08:00

I've been much too liberal with my self image this year. I'm starting a food log:

Breakfast: One cookie, One cup of low fat yogurt
Lunch: Nothing
Dinner: Rice with fried beansprouts, steamed egg and tofu. 1/3 portion, threw the rest away.

I daresay I have developed an unhealthy reliance on a certain controlled medication. It has recently been withdrawn from the UK, Singapore, and other parts of Asia. I am thinking of bulk-purchasing it while my supplier still has it.

2011-02-16T19:43:00.002+08:00

Come away with me in the night,
Come away with me, and I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies

And I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come?

I dreamnt of apocalypse.

2011-01-11T01:41:00.004+08:00

In this dream, I was in the same house as I live in now. Everything centered around the balcony and living room, where there is a ceiling-to-floor glass sliding door that separates them. The balcony in my house is very big, like the side of an average bedroom, and just like my living room, has an unobstructed view of the housing skyline, with Marina Bay area in the distance.

I would consider many of my most indulgent or romanticized memories of being alone to be associated with this particular two rooms in my house. I have dreamed of them countless times, many of them regarding facing demons that I hid many, many years ago, or more often than not, apocalypse of the world, in which I live through the last few hours in antagonizing detail. In these dreams, I would feel not only incredibly alone, but to also be incredibly helpless against what I could see happening in front of me, and to prevent somebody very close to me from dying, along with the billions of crying, confused people.

My dream begins. I am standing in my living room. The world suddenly starts to turn clockwise, and I am soon walking on the wall. I don't see how this is connected to my dream.

In this dream, I was standing in my living room. The world was experiencing a solar eclipse (this features very prominently in my dreams), but this particular eclipse was the damnation of Christians and Cults in the world. During this time, Satanism cults were a force of unprecedented evil in the world, and the followers of Satan vastly outnumbered and overpowered the Christians. The world is filled with violence and hatred, throughout the world, in Singapore, America, Europe, we were nothing but vessels of the devil. The followers were bold and unafraid, and they walked in large groups and skulked the school and fields which my house overlooks. I could see and smell the intense sensation of fear that swept the nation, and the look of terror on people's faces as we all waited to die.

By now, the world had gathered to witness the solar eclipse. There was a very large uprising of Satanists swarming the streets, by the hundreds of thousands, and the Christians were cornered to narrow rooftops. I could hear alot of yelling and violence happening, and there were many people carrying flaming kerosene torches. The cornered Christians carried votive candles, and huddled to form formations I have never seen before. I have no idea how these formations were remotely related to Christianity, but they were very similar to Crop Circles, and they danced around to form patterns like the glowing orbs that are responsible for crop circles. The number of men with us, I could count quite easily, and we seemed like a helpless case versus the Satanists with kerosene torches. Somehow, I knew that these formations were to help identify us as the lesser-sinned, in hopes of entering Heaven during the apocalypse that we were experiencing.

We could tell how close we were becoming to the Apocalypse, because of the full moon that was gradually becoming snuffed out by another planet. It was very dark, like night, and there were no streetlamps not houselights. The Satanists were trying to prevent the eclipse from ending; to freeze the Earth into eternal preservation and Death.

I looked around the room. My mother was sleeping on the couch (something she will never do), and she refused to get up no matter what. She was unbudged by what was happening in the world. I did not want my mother to perish with the Satanists, and I was becoming frantic.
I opened the glass sliding door, and to my surprise, it did not open to my balcony. It opened to a small flat, and I was greeted by a roomful of people from my past. They asked me: Do I want to come over? I nodded. I did want to join the roomful of people I never thought I'd see again. I looked at my asleep mother. A small sized man came forward and he held my hands. He then asked me sternly once again; Do I want to come over? I burst into tears, and said it out loud, that there was no place I'd rather be. I entered the room and left my mother behind. My mother was still asleep in the eclipse.

I walked through the crowded rooms. They seemed to be having a friendly party, and there were food and drinks and sandwiches on platters. I walked into a kitchen, and I saw an ex-lover standing there. The relationship we shared was very complicated. He was the best friend of my first boyfriend. At the risk of sounding scandalous, we met when I was in Secondary school. We went to the same tuition teacher, who was more like a Godmother to us. In fact, she did acknowledge me as her God daughter. This particular guy, X, was 3 years older than me. He was the typical bad boy, cut school, vulgar, and known for being an extreme womanizer. In fact, he helped his best friend ask for my number. Before, during and after the short lived, crash and burn relationship I had with his best friend, it became very apparent that he was particularly interested in me, and he didn't care at what expense did it come. He openly flirted with me in front of my "boyfriend", and there were no objections on either part. Because of the bizarre way we knew each other, we saw each other thrice a week.
By all modes of coincidence, one day the both of them turned up at my youth service. as you can imagine, the flirting only got worse tenfold, and he became extremely possessive and aggresive, and he really didn't like other boys talking to me or sitting with me. Bear in mind we were not in any kind of relationship. But definitely there was an overpowering amount of tension between us, and it was very obvious to everyone else. He didn't care so much about how I felt and even continued womanizing even when standing right next to me. He said it was to knock us ladies off our high horses, because we were nobody to hold his back. He wanted to possess me and own me, but I was also, at the same time nothing to him.
The worst thing was that, this guy, he was infiltrating all parts of my life. He got close to everyone around me. He wiggled his way to my brother (shit!), my cousins, and my (then) best friend, texting back and forth with her on purpose. I did NOT enjoy waking up late on a Saturday morning to him sitting in my bed and watching me sleep. Yes, that literally did happen, just the way I said it. I got the shock of my life, and I didn't know how the hell he ended up in my bed (my brother invited him!) Please be reminded that he did this all the while being best friends with my ex.

Anyway you get the point, back to my dream.

He was standing there in the kitchen, and he came towards me. He held my waist from behind. He put his palms on my sides and slowly, slowly gripped my waist tightly and pulled my body towards his. The body heat between the both of us was so teasing and just his nose brushing against my neck made my hair stand. After so long, he was going to tease me again.

AND THEN I WOKE UP.

I'm sorry if this post is confusing and does not make sense. It was a dream, and I cannot control what I dream... right?

A cupful of air.

2011-01-07T16:43:00.002+08:00

It has been exceedingly difficult to ease myself back into a school routine. After enjoying a period of recluse, I just seem to be less accepting of people and their intentions. I do not like to speak, nor to be spoken to, and if possible, I would like another few months to have to myself, where I don't need to talk to anybody I do not like, anybody who does not like me, or be anything else other than myself.

It is so difficult to understand what other people are meaning when they are talking to me. Won't it be easy to talk to each other in pictures and colors instead of words. I know for one I am neither stupid nor uncreative, but I just feel very helpless when it comes to communicating with people, like I am standing over a tall brick wall, and a friend is standing on the other side, and we are trying to yell things over but neither one of us can understand because it is becoming very muffled.

I am happy as I am, and it would be very nice if people could not touch me, talk to me, or try to do things for me. This is a self-sustainable world I have created for myself, and only people I like are invited.

Too much thought for a small mind.

2011-01-07T16:32:00.002+08:00

There are too many people, saying things they are in no position to say, judging situations they have no qualifications to judge, and behaving in ways that were never natural to them until now.

2011/2010

2011-01-03T04:46:00.011+08:00

Since beginning in TDS, I've lost track of time, I've not started to take into account where do years or months begin and end, or as a matter of fact, where does fantasy end and where reality begins. In 2009 I held a tight rein over life, much too over-analytical about issues that were in fact more or non-issues to everyone besides of me. In 2010 I tried to release myself, and foster a more creative mind, which I've always thought I lack. I never seem to be able to join my thoughts with other peoples, to many disastrous outcomes.

It is very hard for me to try and recall 2010 as a frame of time, but I will try for memories sake.

1. In 2010, I became more active in the local fashion scene. I dressed and witnessed more fashion shows than any other years combined.

Eugenice and I backstage, dressing the graduating fashion show in April 2010

Models in the wicked sick creations

My rack (haha) at the Amanda Lee Bridal Couture private show at Shangri-La Hotel, Singapore
I got to dress the bridal gowns, versus the many racks of mother-in-law, maid-of-honor, groom, etc.

My model and I. She is surprisingly mild-mannered, despite the layers and layers of wire, crinoline, and fabric I had to yank over her hips. And not to mention the too-tight corset that threatened to shoot eyelets at me if she exhaled.
A mad unflattering shot but I was very happy anyways.
Amanda Lee and I, wearing her own creation.

Needless to say she inspired me to look into bridal couture. Her gowns were breathtaking. Kudos to Cassandra for the meticulous hand-beading. A fine artisan in the making! ;)

Me and me posse.

My first time head-dressing or taking charge of an event, I was very afraid one of them might not turn up! Thanks Ting Ting, Yumita, Junko and Taufiq for work well done. I was unable to put Jolene Yeo in together with her friends, but I made up for it with a later event :)

2. In 2010, I also cut my hair short. It wasn't my first time having short hair, but I would say I cringe at photos of myself during that period as well.

From the moment I left the chair, I took it to heart to leave my hair as long as possible. Seeing that my hair is not much longer in 2011, that resolution wasn't very successful. After this photo, I graduated to rebonded, dark hair, then pink extentions, then a platinum blonde bottom half, resulting in an undercut (last week), and now grey hairs as a result of an impromptu dye job 5 hours ago.

3. In 2010, I went to the beach for the very first time.
Un-apparently, I am quite the social hermit. I do not like people looking at me or talking to me, or in fact, paying any attention to me. It might not have shown, but it took vast amounts of courage to go to the beach. Regularly, wearing FBT shorts in public rattle my confidence, much less stripping down to a bikini.

I (bravely) in a bikini at Sentosa beach, Singapore, in February 2010.

This was one of the more flattering shots which I oblige to publish. I am not much slimmer not more attractive now.

For good measure :)

Nearly a year ago, we all look drastically different now.

4. Became sort of a museum buff with my friends.

Sphinx from the Quest for Immortality exhibition, March 2010.

A real, dead mummy was encased inside. An accompanying x-ray showed that is was buried with child, Indicating she possibly died along with child from a difficult childbirth.

I have always been fascinated by Ancient Egypt, and would read the Moses in Egypt stories over and over again when I was young.

A Singapore in the 1950s exhibit, March 2010
An antique Singer sewing machine, the manual predecessor of what we use in the sewing room!

A Singaporean history and culture exhibit.

My dear mother, whom I invited to attend my friend (and also an adjunct at my school) Teo Huey Ling's Tembusu wood carving exhibition at the Black Box theatre, Fort Canning Park.

My favourite, the most majestic brass egg nested by Tembusu branches, suspended from the ceiling by a chain.

Huey Ling and her piece, a carved Tembusu stump with worsted wool. The wool was hand worsted with a soap technique. My mother's favourite.

Huey Ling also revealed to me that the sculpting was not as easy as they anticipated it to be. The exhibition was a collaboration with the NEA, which released felled Tembusu to be made into art. Being felled trees, there were many infested and sickened parts of wood which had to be worked around, and plans had to be altered along the way.

Ran into Zaihan, an inspirational friend and mentor who will never know how greatly he helped me through my beginning in Design. He had just left his job in our school during this time.

With Zaihan is Han Sai Por, one of the greatest Singaporean sculptors of all time. Coincidentally, she and my mother recognized each other as old NAFA schoolmates, and hit off quite emotionally.
The arts scene is small indeed! My mother often told me tales of a good friend who would file mounds of granite and concrete with a tiny handfile, until her speech and behaviour became monotonous and robot-like. So this is her. I reckon she looks like the Marc Jacobs caricature.

Yes?

By all weirdness, my mother and Zaihan hit off fabulously, and we all left together, with the both of them giggling over ugly art in the car.

Awhile later, I realized that this talented lady was also the same sculptor that my 3D Art lecturer, Tommy Loh, always talked about. Only then I realized how priviledged I am to have met her :)

Them regressing to pioneering NAFA times.

Attended the Grand Opening of the White Gallery Museum, where Zaihan is now residing :)
The white gallery museum opened with a collection from my lecturer, Mdm Tia Boon Sim, and other Urban Sketchers.
Fabulous finger foods, right from the open-concept kitchen. Very homely indeed!
Many of the works were sold that night, majority of them being Mdm Tia's. Very proud of her indeed. ;)

Ran into quite the bunch of TDS lecturers, but hung out mainly with these two, Keith Tan, the Adobe whiz, and Chong Kee Jan, the extremely introverted artist, whom by coincidence I would get to work with later in the year.

5. Worked at the Global Entrepolis Singapore, where I met many new friends and business connections.

The SBF-PICO staff and I. Thank You for your kind hospitality! Swissotel Stamford, Singapore, October 2010

This event, I would consider one of the most impactful in the previous year. Being in the creative field, I might never have the chance to submerge myself in the world or business and economics like this again. Apart from the days of rich hotel food, endless Cappucinos, suits and documents and excel sheets and businessmen demanding things, I got to surround myself with the most elite and richest men in the world.

The man on the phone is Mr. Ravi Thakran, Group President of LVMH Southeast Asia and Middle East. Yes, I was very starstruck.
Yet another Cappucino.

Lobby of the St Regis Hotel, Singapore, where I was for the Delegates Gala Dinner. My first time seeing real women in couture!

Got to know Danial, the Zouk bouncer (I still think it's hilarious), whom I have a surrising lot in common with.
The guys and I. Four hours stuck in a meeting room, at a round table made for incredible bonding. In fact, after going back to the Swissotel, we cabbed home together!
Working diligently with SBF-PICO to smoothly run the GES 2010.

Paul Mairon with Juliana's Bitch (aka. Personal Assistant). A long while later I realized Paul is our President. Fail.

The youth crew and, after ending the event.

This event really opened up my eyes to the world of business. I realized that businessmen are not as gracious, welcoming, qualified or prestigious as they can seem. A particularly violent transgression with a British delegate left a very big impression on me, and stupid as it sounds, up till now I'm quite frightened by British men. I have the incident caught on video, but I have been warned that for legal reasons, I cannot make the video public. Those guys closer to me know what happened though, and they witnessed the fight (and maybe arrest?) first hand.

6. Lost a close friend to another country.

Belinda Kew at the departure terminal at Changi Airport, Singapore.

I always see young people blogging about losing their friends or boyfriends/girlfriends to other countries, but I never thought it'll happen to me. We literally look at each other, then lunged forward and cried like mad motherfuckas.

Us having dinner before she left. Diana just touched down from Philippines, a legit flight stewardess!

I still miss Beli like mad. Thank God for twitter!

7. Got into photography, no matter how amateurish.

8. Celebrated my 19th Birthday at The Shangri-La Hotel Singapore, and Sheraton Towers.

My brother and I at Sheraton Towers Lobby.

Surprised at the stroke of Midnight with the most expensive chocolate cake I've ever eaten. Very lush, very delicious, very sinful!

Live Oysters at the Shangri-La Hotel.

Recieved my first diamonds, truly a milestone for a girl <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zbn-FVktgaE/TSDnRmsVA7I/AAAAAAAAAo0/2TIBQCwb7II/s1600/DSC06251.JPG">Yet another (thankfully less lush) chocolate cake!

9. Officially started work in Stage, Editorial and Runway makeup artistry.

I can only post these few photos, because works from editorial shoots still classify as intellectual property, and the photographer told me not to post anything on FB/internet before the actual release dates! A few upcoming assignments in the first few months on 2011!

I am very blessed in this area, where opportunities fell into my lap, without me looking for them. Very grateful for those who have helped me along the way, from a vainpot girl, to being an actual, paid Makeup Artist!

10. Officially became a paid Apparel Designer. Received my first job, which is still in progress after many, many months of hard work, which I cannot reveal until official launch as well. Stay Tuned!

After the lengthy post, I also have this to say: In 2010, I graduated from a dog-lover to a cat-lover. I took in cats and fed they and bathed them like my own, and my mother is now worried that I will grow to become one of them crazy cat-women who talk to cats in the carpark and cook dinner for them everyday. I am not ruling out that possibility.

In 2010, I also became much more confident as a person. In the past few months, I've learnt to not give a fuck about what other people thought about me. If it was good fantastic. If they think bad of me, I must either have done something to deserve it, or they have misunderstood me without caring enough to ask me personally about it. In that case, let them be misguided.

As of today, 3rd January 2011, I am much at peace with myself. I have never felt so comfortable and accepting of myself, and am happy to begin 2011 on a positive note. I wish nothing but happiness and joy to everyone who cares.

XOXO, Sherilyn.

Entry wound.

2010-11-26T04:03:00.003+08:00

I guess it has been pretty apparent that I have been much lesser than dope these days. Regularly, I do not have a habit of talking to the people around me about intimate details of my life. I have tried many times to tell people about my thoughts and opinions and what I think of life. This is not a good thing. Even as you invest faith, time and emotion into the person you get close to, eventually they will go away. Life is impermanence, and those within that space will not be either. If so, I will be judged and naked before the confidant, and only by their good graces will your most intimate secrets be kept. In this blog, I will only record factual details, or the most sincere of my opinions. What I say or show cannot be taken back. I will not regret, because what I say will be exactly what I wanted to say at that point of time. This will be the most I have ever revealed about myself, ever, so help me God.

Well, sincerity is extinct, so if I were to be judged, judge me when you know the full story.

Straight from the horse's mouth.

Plans for tonight:

2010-11-20T23:25:00.002+08:00

Wasted half my day doing nothing, spent the next half of today frantically gathering my work together. I'm rather sleepy now, even after last night's 17hr marathon nap. I guess this means taking a little nap for now, then waking up to grade my drafts, trace paper patterns, iron and cut fabric, sew up panels, affix interfacing, and when that is done, it'll probably be daybreak.

And then I'll watch the sunrise and drink green tea, Nap a little more, then forge on with work.

Will blog more soon. So much to say, so little courage to actually say it.

No less unjust than I were yesterday.

2010-11-17T15:52:00.002+08:00

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a storie
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

It takes a night to make it done
And it takes a day to make you young brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

It takes some silence to make sound
And it takes a lost before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to show you care
It takes a hole to see a mountain

I like the way you stare.

2010-11-17T04:10:00.001+08:00

We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like:
Car parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around

It's become a habit
A way
To start the day

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you

It's early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
Imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks

When it lands
Will my eyes
Be closed or open?

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you